Is it really the last day of the year?? 2020 was a lot of things, and I think it is safe to say, I am among the millions, if not billions, who are looking forward to the 2021 New Year. I started working from home in March when the Covid-19 Pandemic became a national concern (at least for those who believe in science), and both myself and Evan lost a family member to the virus (which forced Evan and myself to make the responsible decision to stay home this holiday season). Not to mention, there were a ton of natural disasters in 2020 like pretty much all of Australia being on fire and the Beirut explosion. Thousands of people also marched in the streets in order to take a stand against racism and police brutality against black individuals. Of course, police violence is not new, but with the extensive video footage broadcasting the real-time murder of George Floyd, this ignited a fire in a lot of people, and so too, a call for police reform.
So yeah, on the surface 2020 was a dumpster fire of a year, but it also came with its lessons and growth. As a white woman, I have the responsibility to educate myself about my privilege (which totally exists btw). Privilege is not the absence of challenges, but rather, it’s an understanding that those challenges will never level up or compare to the adversities people with darker skin face on a daily basis. I will admit I am not perfect and that I am still learning how to be a better advocate, but I have a desire to expand my knowledge and show up. After all, black lives still matter, even in 2021 (this movement was not just a thing of 2020). Additionally, this year taught me to be more present and grateful for what I have. I tend to be very future focused and type A, but with time spent at home this year, I learned to sit with my discomfort and emotions more. Some of those emotions encompassed sadness, anger, guilt, loneliness, and even happiness. It was hard not seeing close family and friends as much as I would like, having to work from my small living room the entire week (not having work/life separation), experiencing an increased workload while fearing pay cuts and no monetary promotions, drowning in strained family ties and losing friendships where mutual respect was lacking, and just feeling stuck. Still, there were many happy moments, and I will go more in to depth with these. This year made me really start to cherish all that I have and enjoy the simple things (e.g. going to the grocery store, driving around to look at Christmas lights, hiking and walking the dog, and enjoying lunches/dinners at home). Finally, this year I learned the value in setting and sticking to my boundaries. A few years ago I tended to be more of a push-over because I cared about being well-liked and not rocking the boat. But now I just don’t care to deal with bullshit- if I have indicated where my line is and that line is crossed, and deception is especially involved, I just do not have the time and energy to keep investing in those relationships. I have realized MY mental health and well-being needs to be my top priority.
Thus, while 2020 has been a struggle, it’s not without its enjoyable moments and fortunate circumstances. I am so grateful for having a secure job, a roof over my head, my good health, my boyfriend and puppy, loyal friendships, caring family members, kind neighbors, nice weather to run outside in, salty ocean air, clean water, an eventual vaccine, and love- lots of love! This year made me realize how trivial my own issues are in comparison to so many others out there, and I am so thankful for the life I live. In fact, some of the highlights this year include my promotion to head Undergraduate Advisor in my department at UCSB, starting a blog/volg (thanks or your support), using my stimulus check to buy a corgi puppy (100% worth it- Comet is the best friend I didn’t know I needed), traveling to Tahoe to see friends and family in the summer and visiting Utah’s Mighty Five in September for loads of hiking excursions, exploring a few areas around Santa Barbara like Solvang and Ojai, flying out to Colorado in November to celebrate my best friend’s engagement, and enjoying lots of self-care time in between! To sum it all up, 2020 was a blessing in disguise, but like ex boyfriends, some things should be left behind. 2021, I’m ready for a little less unpredictability- please don’t let me down!
